NEVERyawn `madison

[landon cole,]

im awake now
for crying out loud,

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landon hadn't been in his usual and correct state of mind lately. he wasnt really sure what it was, nor if he really liked it or not. this was probably because he wasnt even sure what in the hell was wrong with him. he was just, weird lately. he would go to bed almost at normal hours, and still sleep until pretty ungodly ones. he didnt go out very much, because nobody seemed to want to hang out with him lately. he was starting to think he just lost his touch or something, and that it'd come back eventually once he got back in his groove, but his groove didnt seem to be anywhere close to coming back right now. right now, landon was cuddled up in bed with a random boy he'd found at the club last night.

oh yes, he still went out from time to time, like last night for example. oh wow, last night, landon didnt even remember it. which was something else that was odd, because he usually always remembered, not matter how smashed he may get. landon didn't really have much on his mind right now, just how warm he was against the skin of this shirtless other. they were both shirtless, but landon still had his jeans on and the other had his boxers at least. okay, landon hoped to god he didnt sleep with this boy. yes, he indeed did sleep with random strangers from time to time, but that was when he used to remember things. now that he didnt, well, he was a little scared. scared shitless, mind you.

draining that from his thoughts, landon cuddled closer into the name-unknown boy, smiling when he felt him stir a bit and open his eyes, looking into landons. okay, so this would probably really creepy, but landon didnt care. this boy was definatly gorgeous, and that was good enough for the seventeen year old. "what happened last night?" he asked softly, just getting a shake of the head. he chewed on his lip, a newly picked up habit for landon. rolling out of bed after giving the strager and quick peck on the lips, just another odd thing for landon, he got up and walked around his room, picking up their clothes and setting his shirt down the laundry shoot. he handed the guys pants to him, setting the shirt on the lower bedpost.

he looked at the boy, raising his eyebrows and waiting for him to make a move. "lets watch TV" landon was told, watching him open the covers for him to come back. okay, whatever, landon was fine with this. at least the guy wasnt a runner, who ran the next morning when everything sank in. well, maybe he was and there just wasnt really anything to sink in, so he had no reason to run. shrugging to himself, landon crawled back into bed and back into the warmth of this boy. he grabbed the remote on his end table and clicked it on to something he wasnt peticularly interested in, but the other seemed to really be so he didnt mind.

landon closed his eyes, and instantly he got one face. madison. 'oh shit..' he thought to himself, realizing he had made a huge mistake. well, at least he guessed that he made a huge mistake seeing as he had just spooned, or more, with a random stranger while things were getting so good with madison. oh well, he just didnt have to tell them. its not like they were together right now or anything, so landon was basically free to do whatever he wanted. not that he wanted to, he wanted to be with madison, but he was too much of a chicken to ask him. oh, by the way, feel free to add that to the list of weird landon happenings. rubbing his eyes he tried to get his mind off of madison, but every time he tried to just think of something else, it all rushed back.

he felt the other boy moving again, and he looked over, feelin a pair of lips quickly press to his. landon smirked, his mind draining from any scent of madison what-so-ever. he turned, facing the guy a little better and pressed a hand to his chest, rubbing it lightly. then running his fingers through the kids hair, he let them stay tangled in there a bit, kissing him hard and then feeling a tongue poke into his mouth and doing the same back. so, looks like this unnamed that was in his bed had the perfect solution for landon for forgetting madison, for the time being at least, and he didnt even know it. something else landon didnt know, was that he definatly wasnt going to be forgotten for long.

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[! madison jones]

Madison hadn't seen Landon this whole week, well other than a couple times at school but that didn't mean anything to Madison. Madi loved being alone with Landon because that's when Landon acted so different, well in Madison eyes anyway. But that Saturday Madison thought he would so something out of his comfort zone, he would go visit Landon with out telling him thinking it would be a good idea and a funny surprise to see Landon's sleepy hair and face, which made Madison's heart just melt.

Stepping out of his steamy bathroom as he walked into his bedroom and looked at his full length mirror right next to his closet. Running his tongue over his minty white teeth. Slipping on a pair of black boxer briefs followed by a dark pair of skinny jeans. Looking through his closet as he chose on a dark red v-neck, he loved v-necks he wore them all the time. It made it so easy to get dressed in the morning because it made getting dressed so easy. Smiling as he shook his wet hair getting it just the way he liked it.

Slipping on a pair of all black vans and looked outside, he looked warm so he figured he didn't need a jacket. Anyway him and Landon would probably just stay at his house and watch a movie or something. Getting into his car as he drove through the early streets of Hollywood, almost no one was out. Well some hobo's but that was pretty much it. Glancing at his clock as the green digital numbers ready 9:08. Smiling as he turned into the very end of Landon's drive way careful not to wake the other up, Madison really wanted it to be a surprise. After all it was Halloween. Shutting his car door softly as he made his way up the boy's long driveway.

Carefully opening the giant door and walking inside he didn't hear anything. Not like you could, this house was so big there could be a party upstairs and no one would probably notice. Kicking off his vans as he messed with his hair a little bit and started to walk up the stairs. Before he knew it he felt his heart beating in his chest and it felt like butterflies were swimming through out his entire body. Looking at the door a big smile plastered on his lips. His warm hand took a hold of the door knob as he slowly swung it open.

"Oh Landon!"
He said in a high tone as he looked into the bedroom. His smile faded into a gasped look his glistening eyes fell to sadness. The image was burning into his brain he couldn't take this what was happening? It felt like his heart was going to fall out of his butt or he was going to throw up all of his insides. No this couldn't be happening, it was a dream this was all a dream. Everything was going perfect, what did he do wrong, what did he say? Staring at Landon his hand went off the door knob, he wanted to scream he wanted to run and go throw up and just go well cry. But his body wouldn't let him move his legs felt as is they were glued to the ground and no matter how hard he tried to move them they wouldn't budge. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't be.

[landon cole,]

im awake now
for crying out loud,

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when landon was doing something he usually only stuck to that one thing. nothing else would enter his mind and he'd just continue with what he was doing. he was also never one to think of the consiquences or anything of the sort. and despite his strong feelings for madison and how much he was starting to change the seventeen year old, landon still didnt change these ways. no matter how weird he might be acting either, he probably wouldn't change this. not for awhile at least. this is how he has been since he could even remember, so it's not like it's a very easy habit to break or anything either.

he had heard a car slam in the driveway, but it didnt effect him or anything. he just thought it was his father who forgot something or a nanny with his half-brother or something. you never really know who was going to come in and out of this house but all landon knew was that he didnt really care. nobody ever came to visit him without asking because it usually upset him, since he didnt like surprises and didnt like being caught not looking so great and what not. someone who would probably be an exception though was definatly madison, landon loved seeing him. well, except now, this would be a bad time for a surprise visit.

landon really did love seeing the boy. except, at school it was kind of hard because landon hung out with different people and he wasn't the best at bringing other people in. he and his friends were a bit exclusive, but if landon and madison were to date he knew it wouldn't be a big deal. they'd accept him, because they'd expect him to only last about a week or so, and then be gone. just like all the rest of landons relationships. well, they were wrong, landon didnt want that to be the case with he and madison, he actually wanted them to last. oh, wow, what was he thinking. they weren't even dating yet.

landons ears perked a bit when he heard the doorknob being touched and moved, but he just ignored that too. he was just imaging things probably. he continued to kiss the boy, poking his tongue around inside his mouth, even nibbling on the his lip a bit. then it all happened too quickly. the door opening, the voice, landon shooting around, and then the face. that beautiful face he'd kill to see anytime. well, anytime but now that is.his heart seemed to drop, shriveling up inside and just snapping out of place, falling and forgotten forever.

he squeezed his eyes shut, wishing this wasn't happened. no, he was still dreaming, he had to be. "m-madison.." he whispered softly, chewing hard on his lip and squeezing his eyes again to make sure he didnt start crying or anything. not that he would, it was just another habit that he did when things weren't good, and they definatly weren't right now. landon looked over at the boy in his bed, shaking his head. the boy caught on and nodded, "well, i'm out" he said to landon, running out of the room in his boxers, jeans in hand, but not bothering to grab his shirt.

landon stared at him in his boxers for a second, realizing this probably looked a lot worse than it actually was. they hadn't dont anything, right? well, they hadn't, but landon didnt know that because he didnt remember. "that was- i mean, ugh" he groaned, flipping around and then shoving his face into his pillow, thinking for awhile. he then noticed that he probably should be doing something so madison didnt leave. he jumped out of bed, walking over to him but then feeling the air on his chest and noticing he had no shirt on. okay, there's another minus a million points. "look..i just.." he started, but still had nothing.

landon stood right in front of him, running a hand through his floppy, dead hair and rubbing his gross face. he had gotten about three hours of sleep that night, he knew he had to have looked just dreadful. landon rubbed his arm, staring down at the white carpet.

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[! madison jones]

The world was a blur accept for Landon which the only thing in focus. Not even noticing the other leave when Landon stepped in front of him. Nothing could make this even worse nothing, he would never forgive Landon never. Now the sadness that was once washed over his body was now boiling into pure rage. The hand that was on the metal door knob started to feel hot and sweaty as his nails dug into it. Madison couldn't stay in here turning as he slammed the door behind him as loudly and hardly as before. Running down the stairs as he feet felt as if they were going to fall through the floor. When he reached the front door biting his lip as he felt a pinch and looked down blood covering his lip. Ow, biting his own lip open. Soon tears started to fall mixing with the blood on his lip. Sighing and shaking his head as he opened the door and ran to his car not bothering to shut anything.

Sitting in the front seat of the car as he whipped away his face and tapped his finger against his bleeding lip, the salt on his fingers stung it but he held it there wanting to make it stop bleeding. Shaking his head as he banged it against the top of the stealing wheel.
"How could I be so stupid!"
Putting his hands to his temples as he crawled at his own skin, screaming in his head to stop crying. That it was nothing he shouldn't care, Landon never cared about him so he shouldn't care about him. But as much as he told him self that the more tears that kept coming.

[landon cole,]

im awake now
for crying out loud,

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landon couldn't bring himself into looking at the poor thing in front of him. how could he be so stupid into letting that boy come home with him? well, he hadn't been thinking the night before. thinking was something landon wasn't very good at, because he'd never done it really. if he wanted to do something he did it, no questions asked. he watched madison run out and slam the door right in his face. landon would have tried to run out but he had a feeling the slamming would be coming and didnt want to be squished into the door or anything like that. "madison!" he yelled, swining the door open moments after madison had done so.

landon started to run towards the stairs, but he tripped so that slowed him down a bit. by the time he made it down, madison was out the door. lucky for landon, he had gotten there just in time to see the door click, so he knew thats where madison had gone. not wanting to trip or anything again, landon blinked hard again and walked quickly to the door. he put his hand on the doorknob to open it, but it felt like it was a thousand degrees. biting his lip, he blinked back the tears. yes, actual tears were coming close to falling out of the senior boys brown eyes. "i'm so fucking stupid" he screamed, smacking his head against the door.

he realized what he was doing now, and knew he couldn't let it happen. he couldn't let madison get away. there was no way he could do that. once that happened it would all be over and he'd be lost forever. quickly opening the front door, landon ran out and saw madison in the driveway. he saw the blood and the tears of the other boy, and everything landon had been giving his hardest to hold in just drained out of his eyes. he ran over to madison car, standing by the window and tapping on it lightly, staring at him with teary eyes.

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[! madison jones]

Madison sadness was now boiling in his veins about to explode. But sitting in his car didn't help at all it only let his rage build, he didn't notice that other had come out of the door he was so focused on what just happened he wouldn't let his eyes see anything but the steering wheel right in front of him. When he heard the tap he knew it was and he opened the car door and slammed it shut.
"What the fuck do you want?!"
It was the first time Madison had ever cussed in front of Landon. Madison never cussed, yelled, screamed of anything like that he was usually such a calm mellow boy. Looking at Landon with anger in his eyes waited for an explanation, the small veins in his neck were starting to poke out, he hated him self for ever liking Landon. For ever giving the other any kind of a change he should of known, god he should of known how stupid could he be.

"What tell me it was a accident, tell me you were drunk, tell me you weren't thinking. Come on tell me. Tell Me!"
Madison's voice cracked about every other word, tears starting to stream down his face making it irritated and red.

[landon cole,]

im awake now
for crying out loud,

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landon didn't know what he was going to say when he was told to explain himself. and he knew it would come, oh he knew that pefectly well. even if he didn't he'd try to explain himself, somehow, because he just wanted madison to know that he felt like he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life. he never should have kissed that other boy today. once landon woke up he should've just kicked him right out and that would have put an end to it all.

but no, he had to be stupid old landon and let him stay. and and up kissing him even, god, he hated himself right now. which was a big thing to say, since he was a very cocky boy and what not. "you.." he mumbled not sure if madison could hear him, but he'd probably be able to read his lips if he was paying attention. landon now again realized he was topless. crossing his arms he suddenly felt greatly self concious, and stupid. stupid for not having a shirt on because it just pushed at what he'd just done.

his eyes widened every time madisons mouth seemed to be open. landon had no idea it could be so full of hate. well, landon had never really done anything to upset him like this, had he? the whole thing with when they first met was done and fixed easily. now this, this might take some time. landon wish it wouldn't. he wished madison would just fall in his arms and everything would be all better. but it wasn't going to be that way, not at all.

eyeing the other door, he noticed it was unlocked. walking slowly over to the passengers side, opening the door lightly (he hadn't taken his eyes off madison this whole time) and sliding himself in, landon sat down. he stared at madison for awhile before clearing his throat and whiping his eyes a bit. pulling his knees to his chest, he took a deep breath and started his speech. "madison. that meant nothing, really. i dont know how he got there..i drank last night. but really, we didnt do anything, i woke up in this exactly" was the beginning, which was all truth. he was going to do his best to just be truthful.

he felt the hotness of tears starting to sting against his eyes once more but he didnt care, he just continued, feeling a drip fall against his boney knees every once and awhile. "and i really wasn't thinking. i know you wont believe me, well you might since i never really think. but im-" he stopped, squeezing his eyes shut and taking another deep breath "i'm sorry.." trailing off towards the end because he had never really had to say the word before, so it felt foreign and got lost in his mouth. "and.." oh he wanted to tell madison he loved him.

his eyes widened once more, love? okay, there was no way landon came anywhere near to loving madison. maybe just liked him a whole lot, but love? no. but if he didnt then why did he feel so compelled to saying he loved him? "nevermind" he said quickly and left it like that, in the silence. he felt a bit chilly, since it was a more cloudy day today, so he rubbed his shoulders. obviously the heat wasnt in the car, the car itself wasnt even, so it wasn't providing any heat for him either. landon brought his intense, brown eyes up to madison. they were still shedding a tear here and there, but now all landon hoped for was understanding.

if he didnt get it, and madison told him to get ouf of the car, well, then so be it. but if madison would just let him talk and they had a conversation, he'd be okay with that too. he'd love that, actually. or madison could do anything he thought of doing, landon would obey and let it happen. he wasnt going to beg, he was going to just let it go. not that he'd 'let it go' exactly, yes he'd probably still try to win madison back, but you get what i mean.

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[! madison jones]

Madison heard all the words but he was so angry they went in one ear and out the other. He sat in the middle of the driveway as he pulled at his hair and brought his head to the concrete. One day someone told him that if you hit your head hard enough all your memories would fall out. Right now he felt like smacking his head so hard on the ground that it would crack open and all his memories would come pouring out. Instead he just let his body sit there for a few minutes, the hot concrete starting to burn his hands. After a couple minutes he got up and got in the car hot beads of sweat on his for head. Whipping them away as he fixed his hair and sat in his car wishing he had better a/c.

Sighing as he ran his hand through his hair he turned to look at Landon but after a few seconds he stared back at the house unable to keep his eyes on the other, gnawing at his lip as he tried to keep his emoticons under control. Breathing out a giant sigh of anger, he just wanted to hold on to Landon and be told everything was going to be ok. But he knew that it was never that easy, but oh how he wished it was. Madison didn't want to allow himself to keep feelings for Landon he wanted them all to go away, just to take out his heart and punch it over and over again till he could feel nothing at all. But it wasn't the fact that Landon did stuff with another guy, it was the fact that it didn't make Madison as mad as it should. Madison still felt his heart pound in his chest with butterflies, why couldn't he just get over him.

Why wasn't he mad, why did he still want Landon, why why why why why?!

[landon cole,]

im awake now
for crying out loud,

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landon could answer that question for just about anyone. The why one that is. The answer was simple too, because he was landon. Not that he‘d ever admit to that to Madison or anything, but it was just a fact. He had a certain effect on some people. Even he wasn’t sure exactly of what it was, but he wasn’t going to be admitting that one to anyone quite yet either. A lot of things were secrets in the small mind of landon cole, but that just made them so much sweeter when he actually told them and someone got the pride of hearing about it.

Running a hand through his hair landon knocked his head back against the headrest of the car, thinking about what his next move was going to be. After awhile, he figured Madison wasn‘t going to be replying to him anytime soon, so he just sat there with his jaw open and blinking back his tears once more. ”well, if that‘s how youre going to be..“ he said thinking about it for a second and then knowing that’s what he was going to want to do, and what he wanted to do at that. ”then fuck it. Fuck all.” he felt a little bad for cursing in front of Madison. Landon was one to swear a lot, but he tried to keep it down around Madison because he didn’t want to scare him or anything.

Nodding his head after wiping his eyes once more, he stepped out of the car and slammed the door, pretty hard too, and then walked into his eyes. The tears had stopped for good now, all he was was upset. At himself, at Madison, at that boy, at anyone whose fault this may be. Well, it wasn’t landons fault obviously, but you know what I mean. making his way to his front door he slammed that too, and walked up and jumped into his bed, plopping down and wanting pretty badly to just yell his little heart out into that damn bed. This bed had cursed him, the past few times something has happened on it he got fucked over. He wanted to get rid of it, but at the same time he loved his bed.

Deciding he needed to let some anger out, landon muffled his head by pulling a pillow over it, stuffed his face into his sheets, and yelled as much as he could. Once he was finished and satisfied, he looked up to see a maid staring at him in the doorway. ”leave me alone“ he said, slamming his head back down too fast to see her nodding her head and quickly scurrying away. ”fuck landon, you just lost the best thing that might‘ve happened to you“ he wasn‘t really one to talk to himself, but he was in such a bad, messed up mood that he just couldn’t help it.

He squeezed tight to his pillow, cuddling it close and realizing what had just happened, every last part of it, he knew he‘d lost Madison for good. Who could forgive him for doing that? Well, a lot of people could, but Madison definatly wasn‘t a lot of people. Feeling his mood swing for the hundreth time in this short period of time, landon felt the tears just pour out of his eyes. He wished he could take it back. Wished so badly.

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[! madison jones]

Madison wasn't expecting Landon to yell, which made him jump a little bit.
"What?"
His voice was soft and cracked at the end of his word. Swallowing down all the spit in his mouth so it washed over his dry throat, but it didn't do much it just made him want something real to drink even more. Watching the boy walk into the house and the door slam, which he heard all the way at the end of the drive way his breath was taken out of his lungs. Why was Landon mad at him? What did he do? All these questions ran through Madison's head as he slammed the door and started his car. He didn't understand but he tried to shake it off as he backed out of the driveway and made his way home. Every red light he stopped at tears would come pouring down his face. Whipping them harshly away as the light then turned green. By the time he got to his house his face was so red that it looked like he got smacked around.

Stepping out of the car as he walked into his house and shut the door lightly. Figuring his older brother was sleeping he tried to be as quite as possibly, also his body felt so drain and numb that he probably couldn't slam the door even if he tried. Walking sluggishly into his room as he slowly clicked the door shut and laid on his bed right on the back. Staring at the ceiling he let out a hot breath but his throat was so dry that he began coughing in the middle of it, which led on to more tears falling from his eyes, rolling down his checks and onto his bed.
"Why is he mad at me? Why did he do that? What did I do wrong."
Shutting his eye tight as more tears got squeezed out of them.
"What did I do wrong?!"
Putting his clammy hands on his temples as he crawled at his own skin with his finger nails.
"What did I do wrong?"
His voice was soft as he cried even harder, he wondered when he would finally run out of tears, he hoped soon because it was starting to eat him up inside.